I didn’t sit down for quiet time. I ate a protein bar for breakfast, halfheartedly listened to a worship song on the way to work and hopped out of the car with a prayer that sounded a lot like this: “Okay Jesus this day is about to be a lot. Help me out here.” And I didn’t think about it again.
My planner was STACKED y’all. I had booked myself solid from 8 AM to 8 PM. I had zero food at my house and was wearing a ponytail for the third day in a row because I had to drag myself out of bed and couldn’t convince myself to put in any effort.
On December 31 I wrote down my resolutions, prayed over them and promised that I’d stick to them this year. The most important one on my list was saying no to more so that I can say yes to God more often. For the first week that was EASY. I was getting up earlier, praying more and really paying attention to how God was moving in my life.
But y’all- flash forward to January 30 and I’m off the bandwagon. I’m off the wagon, covered in dust and about 45 miles behind everyone else.
I had three dental procedures.
I got the stomach flu.
I went out of town three weekends in a row.
I convinced myself five hours of sleep a night is sustainable (wrong).
I survived solely off of Trader Joe’s breakfast trail mix and hummus for five days.
ITS ONLY JANUARY. Jesus- I really need you to help me out here.
It wasn’t until I was complaining about how busy I was tonight on the phone with a friend that I realized how far I’ve moved away from my resolutions in only 30 days. What happened to saying “No” more? What happened to making that quiet time a priority?
So I’ve come to a conclusion. I’m about to cross a lot of things off my agenda and go into “soul care” mode ( I imagine this to be a lot like “low battery mode on an IPhone. No extras, just the essentials running in an attempt to save your battery) in an attempt to salvage this resolution. Couldn’t we all use some soul care?
And I don’t mean taking a bubble bath and doing a face mask. That stuff is nice. It’s momentarily relaxing (and if I’m honest I do it EVERY night cause I’m such a girl). But sometimes the real “care” we need is doing some hard stuff. Like saying “no” more even when it hurts and reading the Bible even when we don’t feel like it.
It’s believing what God says about us even when it feels like the furthest thing from the truth. It’s eating a healthy dinner and drinking water instead of that third cup of coffee. It’s speaking love over a body you aren’t quite proud of. It’s finally rescheduling that therapy appointment. It’s accepting that we don’t have to carry that burden alone.
And it’s admitting that we just can’t do it all. Literally, we just can’t. We can’t attend every party or answer every phone call. As much as I want to….January has shown me that I can’t and I have to be okay with that.
I mean I’m about to do some spring cleaning on my soul and we’re about to work. these. issues. out. Because good grief January KICKED MY TAIL.
I can’t live my best life when I’m attempting to do everything. I’m not listening to God when I run myself ragged and refuse to take a Sabbath. I can’t glorify Him if I can’t sit still long enough to figure out what it is He is saying.
So, if January was long and tiresome for you, I hope you know February has the potential to be restful. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. And I don’t know about you, but that sounds like exactly where I want to be.