Today I’m sitting at my old favorite coffee shop drinking a latte and watching it rain. The most normal thing in the world. I did some homework, saw a friend, wrote a few letters, and found a pure barre sock that I have been so desperately searching for. Tuesday, just a normal Tuesday.
But, I am so appreciate of this particular Tuesday because as I sit here in a baseball cap and the messiest hair ever, I feel the tiniest twinge in my heart. One that I haven’t felt in the longest time…and I realize it is genuine happiness. My heart is SO FULL of good things and good thoughts.
I can’t really explain it, but if you’ve read any of my last blog posts, you probably know that the last season of life wasn’t the sweetest. I was fighting the enemy a lot. And I was losing most of those battles. My head was filled with negativity and the thoughts of “you’re so alone” and “you’ll never do anything right” constantly and I just couldn’t shake it. I cried to my mom, well really anyone who would listen, and almost took the summer to go home and figure out what was going on. But, something clicked and I knew Auburn was where I was told to go. Where I had to go.
So I did it. I moved to Auburn, by myself might I mention (cough cough where you at Mom and Dad) and hit the ground running hard. Getting involved and getting in the Word harder than I ever have before and something shifted. I’ve started believing what I’m reading. What God says about me, what His commandments say, what He says about grace…a word that I’ve loved for so long but have never felt or even slightly given myself. I’m learning more and more about myself and how to counteract my negative thoughts and anxiety with truth. Learning how to sit in silence, how to rush less, and how to stay in my lane.
Walking into work this morning someone asked me about the adjustment to being back. I told her it felt like I had never left, and her response was so true. She said, “well then that’s the only affirmation you need that this is where you’re supposed to be”. TRUTH. At If:Gathering this year Jill Briscoe said the simplest thing, but it flashed through my thoughts today:
“You go where you’re sent
and you stay where you’re put
and you give what you’ve got. “
So I’m here. In Auburn and breathing easier than I have in a long time. I’m diving insanely deep into life here and praying constantly. A rough season has passed and for that I am in awe and eternally grateful.